Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs, by Michaela Haas PhD
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Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs, by Michaela Haas PhD
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Deeply personal interviews and time-tested, empathetic heartfelt advice for finding healing and new resilience after setbacks: a cutting-edge look at the uplifting discovery of how we can thrive in the face of challenges.Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs radically shifts our perspective on adversity. Author Michaela Haas, PhD, explores the new science of posttraumatic growth through her moving personal story, encounters with survivors from all walks of life—from soldiers to surfers—and a practical take on the latest scientific research. Filled with powerful insights and more than 60 tried-and-true methods to grow in five areas of your life, this treasury of wisdom will shine a light when life seems overwhelming. Michaela Haas presents twelve inspiring stories from survivors of cancer, addiction, PTSD, the Holocaust, loss of mobility, loss of a loved one, and childhood abuse to show how to transform pain into a journey to wisdom, love, and purpose. This book will help you become more resilient, stronger, and happier in the face of life’s inevitable setbacks. The author immersed herself into her subjects’s lives, and even interviewed the late Dr. Maya Angelou, who shares with us how her childhood trauma led her into a passionate life of meaning; ex-POW Rhonda Cornum, who found a new purpose after being captured in Iraq; renowned autistic pioneer Temple Grandin, who overcame crippling panic attacks; and famed jazz guitarist Coco Schumann, who played for his life in Auschwitz. In Bouncing Forward, Michaela Haas draws upon powerful storytelling, psychology, history, and twenty years of Buddhist practice to reshape the way we think of crisis. You’ll walk away with a deep understanding of the strength of your spirit and five powerful practices to transform your own life. It’s also a great gift for friends who are going through a rough time. “One of the most inspirational books of 2015” —Cyrus Webb, Conversations Book Club “So beautiful! The world needed that!” —Jenny McCarthy, Sirius XM “A great message of hope.” —Claire Fordham, The Huffington Post “Some of the most interesting research I`ve ever read. I don't think this has ever been done before.” —Sheila Hamilton, Kink FM Radio “This book is phenomenal!” —Allen Cordoza, Answers for the Family LA Talk Radio
Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs, by Michaela Haas PhD - Amazon Sales Rank: #279881 in Books
- Published on: 2015-10-06
- Released on: 2015-10-06
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.37" h x 1.20" w x 5.50" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 400 pages
Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs, by Michaela Haas PhD Review "Michaela Haas' latest book Bouncing Forward breaks through our great confusion around how to be happy. Full of goodness, this book shares stories, including her own, of people who have suffered in many ways and come through it into strength and love. Together, these varied, living examples reveal an important truth: ultimately there is no way to avoid pain in life, and turning toward our challenges, whatever they may be, is the way to real happiness." (--Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness)Bouncing Forward propels our entire understanding of posttraumatic growth to a new level. Dr. Haas’s integration of the life stories of survivors-thrivers with the latest scientific research about discovering the advantages of adversity and finding meaning in the messiness and her very practical tools for working with difficulties, even disasters, shows the reader how to cultivate the mindset of resilience that can catalyze healing and growth from catastrophe. Brilliant, inspiring, to be read, re-read, and treasured. (--Linda Graham, MFT, author of Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being.)This groundbreaking book offers a path to peace and contentment in the midst of life’s most difficult challenges. Michaela Haas shows us how struggle and trauma can lead to wisdom, growth, and happiness. Bouncing Forward is a rich collection of inspiring and heartfelt interviews, personal recollections, and scientific research. We can train the mind to be resilient and to find life’s blessings no matter what hardships we’ve faced or are facing. This is a book to treasure and to read over and over. (--Toni Bernhard, author of How to Be Sick, How to Wake Up, and How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness)Bouncing Forward is a testament to the strength, resilience, and hope of the human psyche and spirit. Michaela Haas deftly weaves interviews with a dozen individuals from across the world combined with her experiences, ideas, and guidance to help readers understand that “we are stronger than we think.” Bouncing Forward is a wonderful and entertaining read as well as a reasoned and reasonable guide to resilient living. (Sam Goldstein, PhD, co-author of The Power of Resilience and Raising Resilient Children)Michaela Haas has written one of the most helpful, engaging, informative nonfiction books I've read in a long while. It will be useful for absolutely everyone. Highly recommended. (--Samantha Dunn, author of Failing Paris and Not by Accident)In this volume Michaela Haas applies the wisdom of Buddhist mind training to real-life experiences in the modern world, thereby enriching the Buddhist tradition as well as our current understanding of ways to fruitfully transcend the miseries of the past, present, and future. (--B. Alan Wallace, author of Genuine Happiness and The Attention Revolution)“Bouncing Forward shows us how adversity can turn us toward our deepest inner resources of trust, wisdom, and love. Through a wonderful mix of inspirational interviews, current science, Buddhist teachings, and her own deep understanding, Michaela Haas guides us in discovering the sacredness and grace that flows through these human lives.” (Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge)“In Bouncing Forward, Dr. Haas weaves engaging stories of modern survival with uplifting and often surprising takeaways. Readers are given tools for not only surviving life’s inevitable tough times, but consciously thriving because of them.” (Gay Hendricks, PhD, NYT Bestselling author of The Big Leap and Conscious Loving)
About the Author Michaela Haas, PhD, is an international reporter, lecturer, author, and consultant. She is the owner of HAAS live!, an international coaching company that combines her experience in media with mindfulness training. With a PhD in Asian Studies, she has been teaching Buddhism at the University of California Santa Barbara, the University of the West, and various Buddhist centers in America and Europe. She has been studying and practicing Buddhism for almost twenty years. Since the age of sixteen, she has worked as a writer and interviewer for major nationwide German newspapers, magazines, and TV stations, including hosting her own successful nationwide talk show. Michaela divides her time between Malibu, California, and Munich, Germany. Visit MichaelaHaas.com.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Bouncing Forward
Introduction
Crisis as a launching pad for growth Only in darkness can you see the stars. —MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. The sucker that took me out does not even have a name: a teeny, untraceable virus. And yet, the invisible culprit ambushed and flattened me, whisking me away to a new benchmark of low. I was in my twenties and had taken a sabbatical from my hectic job as a reporter to embark on a PhD and study the wise minds of the Tibetan yogis I was becoming fond of. Traveling solo through Asia was part of my grand adventure, my express ticket to Cloud Nine. But after two semesters at preeminent Buddhist colleges in North India and Nepal, I crashed. Completely. The first blow was a fever so high and numbing that I was unable to leave my bed for two weeks. A cough and dizziness kept shaking me after the fever subsided. Then severe food poisoning gutted me. Some of the bowls of noodle soup the Tibetan grandmothers prepared in the tiny wood shacks must have contained unfiltered water, boiling with dye from the nearby carpet factories that let their toxic waste stream freely into the groundwater. The Nepalese doctors prescribed antibiotics in megadoses, three different kinds of pills so enormous I could hardly swallow them whole. They only aggravated the nausea. I am persistent, though, so I refused to give up on my quest to understand this intriguing culture and motored on. I kept breathing the diesel-filled air, feasting on the spicy chili in the cheap guesthouses, diving into the wondrous world of meditation and mantras. Until a few months later, when I reached a dead end. No matter how much I pushed, my body just wouldn’t obey. Struck by a crippling fatigue, I returned to the French countryside where my spouse lived at the time, hoping the care of friends and Western doctors would build me back up. I thought of myself as resilient and resourceful. As a TV presenter I had hosted live talk shows in large arenas and thoroughly enjoyed the adrenaline of unpredictable situations; as a reporter I loved researching tricky assignments and was used to pursuing questions until getting answers. I would figure this out, too. But the local doctors were baffled and unable to offer a cure. The diseases they tested me for escalated in scare factor—HIV? Multiple sclerosis? Brain tumor? I grew increasingly weak, because I could hardly keep any food down. Simple tasks I’d taken for granted—such as a quick dash to the supermarket—became as daunting as my ascent toward the base camp of Mount Everest just a few months before. On some days I couldn’t form a coherent sentence nor remember the names of my closest friends. At first, everybody was very sympathetic, but when the illness dragged on for weeks and months and then for the better part of a year, most of my friends bolted, including my spouse. I watched my whole life wash away from me—my health, my career, my joy, and eventually my friendships, my marriage, and my old self as I knew it. Everything tumbled down a steep ravine. Compared to the massive tragedies I’d witnessed as a reporter in emergency rooms and poverty-stricken countries, my suffering seemed trivial, especially since I had just spent months with Tibetan refugees who had lost everything—their homeland, their families, their health—and yet they managed to navigate their life in exile with a cheerfulness and compassion I deeply admired. I felt like my pain had no right to be so devastating, but I was overwhelmed by riptides of hopelessness that swept me away. Ever since I watched my grandfather succeed as a businessman and father of five despite his crippling injury from polio, I’d wondered: how is it possible that some people emerge from pain fortified? Throughout my decades as a reporter, when I interviewed tsunami victims and torture survivors, these questions tugged at me: Why do some people fall apart in a crisis while others not only survive, but thrive? What makes the difference? When I was down for the count, this quandary became deeply personal. How could I glue the smithereens of my life back together and become whole again? Had my resilience just been a mirage? Going beyond what the naysayers say Resilience is such a catchy concept. Estée Lauder sells “Resilience Lift Extreme” makeup, retailers market Resilience Shampoo, and Hanes produced Resilience pantyhose.1 While I’d been pummeled by the virus, I wished getting in resilient shape was as easy as putting on the right pantyhose! re·sil·ience : the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens. : the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.2 The everyday definition of resilience entails a sense of bouncing back from a severe crisis, but for me, the idea that we can “bounce back” from a devastating blow and “return to our original shape” falls short. We never forget the ones we’ve lost or the arduous struggles we’ve fought. The lives we lead are markedly different before and after a trauma, because these losses and struggles transform and profoundly change us. This book is not about bouncing back, but rather about bouncing forward. About letting the fire of trauma temper and teach us. The title is a nod to Dr. Maya Angelou’s definition of rising above hardship: “It’s also a bouncing forward, going beyond what the naysayers said.”3 Most people have heard of posttraumatic stress. Yet, beyond the medical community, few are aware of the evidence of posttraumatic growth. It may seem paradoxical to even put the words “trauma” and “growth” next to each other in one sentence. And yet, survivors and experts begin to focus increasingly on the possibility that we could use both the descent and the lessons we learn from climbing out of the ditch for a greater good in our own life and to help others. The US Army, for instance, has updated their definition of resilience to include “the mental, physical, emotional, and behavioral ability to face and cope with adversity, adapt to change, recover, learn and grow from setbacks.”4 According to Richard Tedeschi, posttraumatic growth’s leading researcher, as many as 90 percent of survivors report at least one aspect of posttraumatic growth, such as a renewed appreciation for life or a deeper connection to their heart’s purpose. This does not happen immediately or easily, and rarely by itself. We need to actively work toward positive change, and we need the right tools and support in order to transform a bad break into a breakthrough. The groundbreaking science of posttraumatic growth is still new, ever expanding and adding fresh insights. Psychologist Stephen Joseph is not the only one to regard it as “one of the most exciting of all the recent advances in clinical psychology, because it promises to radically alter our ideas about trauma—especially the notion that trauma inevitably leads to a damaged and dysfunctional life.”5 A crisis is not a cul-de-sac, but rather a watershed moment. What we do next matters: advance or retreat, take a turn south or north, run or hide, crawl or fly. We can avert our eyes or dig deeper, try harder or grow softer, close down or break open. Cracking the resilience code After my own crisis, I never gained my health back fully, and my life has not been the same since. My body is an unstable companion that regularly gives out on me. My physical immune system has gone haywire, some of it beyond repair. Instead I have had to go deeper to find strategies that will strengthen the immune system of my soul. The fundamental question is not whether we encounter suffering—because we all do. “It is how we work with suffering so that it leads to awakening the heart and going beyond the habitual views and actions that perpetuate suffering,” Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön says. “How do we actually use suffering so that it transforms our being and that of those with who we come in contact? How can we stop running from pain and reacting against it in ways that destroy us as well as others?”6 I didn’t write this book because I have all the answers. I wrote it because I have questions. I set out to ask masters of resilience how they found strength in adversity. By researching their life stories, perhaps a bit of their magic would rub off on me. Did they have a resilience code, and could I crack it? I interviewed civil rights icon Maya Angelou about overcoming her childhood traumas, drummed with Def Leppard star Rick Allen, fed puppies with ex-POW Rhonda Cornum on her farm in Kentucky, visited autistic animal activist Temple Grandin in Colorado, went to my first FanFest with genetic wonder woman Meggie Zahneis, and explored Berlin nightlife with famed jazz guitarist Coco Schumann, who played for his life in Auschwitz. I cheered on paralyzed surfers as they navigated eight-foot waves, learned about the power of bearing witness from Buddhist teacher Roshi Bernie Glassman, and talked with Canadian business consultant Alain Beauregard about his realization that cancer was “the greatest gift” he was ever given. I sat with Tibetan yogis in the Himalayas, attended the US Army’s resilience boot camp, and spoke with pioneers of a burgeoning movement of psychotherapists, scientists, and medical professionals who are trying to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes some people grow in the midst of adversity. It is at this interface of Western psychology, Asian wisdom, and army toughness that our journey begins. We will look at crisis from different angles: physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. You will meet people who have approached pain from seemingly opposite perspectives—hard-bitten soldiers, soft-spoken Zen masters, creative entertainers—and yet their best strategies to tackle these pains turn out to be surprisingly similar. My interviewees are role models for people everywhere who are exploring their life purpose while facing challenges. One of the most insightful ways we can progress is by studying the biographies of people who have mastered the art of bouncing forward. How did they summon such courage? Their world has shattered. Somehow, they survived. Now, what? The phoenix rises from the ashes On her sixteenth birthday, Malala Yousafzai gave her first public speech since being attacked by a masked Taliban gunman who shot her in the shoulder, neck, and skull. In front of five hundred young education activists at the United Nations, Malala renewed her vow to fight for education: “The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions, but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear, and hopelessness died. Strength, power, and courage were born.” When Nelson Mandela was sworn in as president of post-apartheid South Africa, he invited one of his former prison guards, a man who had helped to keep him incarcerated for twenty-seven years, to witness the oath from the front row. Even while behind bars, Mandela refused to succumb to hate. He truly lived up to the words he wrote his wife Winnie from prison: “Difficulties break some men but make others.”7 Less than a month after a tiger shark bit off her arm while she surfed off the coast of Kauai, thirteen-year-old Bethany Hamilton got back on the board, and today she continues to compete in international surfing with one arm. “You must not let disability take control of your life,” she realized. “Attitude is everything. There are no limits.”8 The phoenix had to go through the fire and be reduced to ashes before he could rise again to new heights. There was a glimmer in the ashes that never ceased, and from this glimmer the mythical bird fanned the fire of life again. This is a book about modern phoenixes, women and men who overcame profound trials: chronic illness, loss, cancer, accidents, war, Auschwitz. They not only rose to these challenges but they also emerged stronger, more determined, and wiser. My hope is that these stories will resonate with fibers in your own being, and will energize and enliven you just like they have inspired me. We are stronger than we think Few of us will be attacked by a shark or targeted by the Taliban, but we all face profound tests. Pain comes in all patterns and proportions, stitched together in a patchwork quilt with pleasure and joy that threads through our lives. There are the lowercase pains: the unpaid bills, the cancer scare, the worry about Johnny being bullied in school. And then there are the uppercase pains that crank up the volume until we whimper, our fist raised at life, “Why are you doing this to me?!?” At first, I had suspected that just a few superhuman outliers, the likes of Malala and Mandela, managed to turn trials into triumphs. Though they surely exceed in courage and wisdom, they are not made of a different fabric than you and me. While caring for the very real pain of survivors who suffer from posttraumatic stress, trauma therapists tell us that most people will survive painful life events, loss, and accidents with few detectable long-term consequences. None of us floats through life on a cloud, without experiencing the loss of a loved one, without grave illness, without at least one or possibly several life-threatening events. It is normal that we struggle with what life throws at us. We’re not alone in this. When doctors and psychiatrists research loss, grief, or trauma, by default they often pay more attention to the patients who suffer the most. However, the majority of trauma survivors eventually attest to a renewed zest for life, major empathetic growth, and increased emotional maturity not despite, but because of their painful experiences and sometimes simultaneously with posttraumatic stress. We are so vulnerable, yet tenacious at the same time. As Paralympic sprinter and double amputee Aimee Mullins says: “People have continually wanted to talk to me about overcoming adversity, and I’m going to make an admission: this phrase never sat right with me. . . . Implicit in this phrase of ‘overcoming adversity’ is the idea that success, or happiness, is about emerging on the other side of a challenging experience unscathed or unmarked by the experience, as if my successes in life have come about from an ability to sidestep or circumnavigate the presumed pitfalls of a life with prosthetics, or what other people perceive as my disability. But, in fact, we are changed. We are marked, of course, by a challenge, whether physically, emotionally, or both. And I’m going to suggest that this is a good thing. Adversity isn’t an obstacle that we need to get around in order to resume living our life. It’s part of our life. And I tend to think of it like my shadow. Sometimes I see a lot of it, sometimes there’s very little, but it’s always with me. . . . There is adversity and challenge in life, and it’s all very real and relative to every single person, but the question isn’t whether or not you’re going to meet adversity, but how you’re going to meet it. So, our responsibility is not simply shielding those we care for from adversity, but preparing them to meet it well.”9 This is the focus of Bouncing Forward: to open our eyes to possibilities. My hope is that this book will offer you a new perspective on pain. A new meaning of life. A renewed sense of optimism. Because a resilient mindset not only fortifies us in challenging times, but the same qualities and skills help us in our everyday lives as well. In fact, ideally we cultivate resilience while the proverbial waters are smooth so that we have a buffer and good sailing skills when the going gets rough. Researching these life stories has a goal: to find out what protects us and those around us from unnecessary suffering; to discover strategies to intervene when life’s trajectory goes ballistic; and to help the healing. And not only to heal but also to use the crisis as a launching pad for a new beginning. “My life is my message,” Gandhi said. The life stories assembled here send a strong message: don’t give up! Over the following chapters, we will explore some of the skills we need to face life’s perils and pitfalls. Our upbringing plays a role, and so do genetic factors, resources, social skills, and our purpose in life. Some of these factors are beyond our control. We cannot control the tides of life, terrorist attacks, drunk drivers, or the upstairs neighbor cranking up the volume of Metallica, but we have control over the most important ingredient: our mind. Many think of resilience as a kind of Teflon quality, an impenetrable armor that magically wards off pain and suffering. Most likely, this magic potion exists only in Hollywood and hairspray ads. The mavens of posttraumatic growth tell a different story: that resilience is a matter of small steps, of inching forward one breath at a time. Only after they embraced their suffering and after they let it penetrate them to the core did things change. As we will see, posttraumatic growth is quite the opposite of Rambo’s grin-and-bear-it bravado. In fact, the lone cowboy who thinks asking for help is a weakness is the one most at risk. Covering up a scar with a smiley-face Band-Aid does not lessen the pain either. Growth arises, quite to the contrary, from acknowledging our wounds and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This might include recognizing the traumas we have created ourselves. Think of it as a grand experiment: what would happen if we opened up instead of closing down, if we let the pain in rather than warding it off? Father Thomas Merton writes: “Indeed, the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers the most, and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture.”10 Acceptance, openness, flexibility, optimism, patience, mindfulness, empathy, compassion, resourcefulness, determination, courage, and forgiveness are all part of a resilient mindset. These are qualities we can train in. Maybe there is a “resilience makeup” after all. We just can’t buy it in a store.
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Most helpful customer reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful. Dr. Michaela Haas' BOUNCING FORWARD reminds us that every situation gives us the opportunity to grow By Cyrus Webb Though we might not remember it all the time, each of us know what it's like to be misunderstood, judged, broken or tested. What matters, however, is what we do after the experience. In BOUNCING FORWARD Dr. Michaela Haas discusses her own journey and that of others in a way that reminds us that we are all united in this experience called life. It might look different for others, but if we are open to learning and growing we can definitely become better and do better regardless of what our past might have included.I love the reminders of being present and not forgetting to be grateful for what we have. If we can learn that simple yet powerful thing that will help us to look at life's challenging situations differently and maybe realize that what we've been through will make us better equipped for what is ahead. The other great thing I gleaned from this book is that our experiences can help us to help others. That is definitely not something we think about that often, but instead of asking "Why me?" we might be able to realize that it's happening to us to be an example for others as to what they can learn and breakthrough.In the end for me BOUNCING FORWARD is about hope, that no matter what we have seen or experienced we can come out the other side stronger and ready for the journey ahead. If you can get that and walk in that truth then every experience will be just another lesson for us to learn from and to share.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful. Ever been asked, Why are you always so optimistic? If yes, here's your answer. If no, read this to find out how you can join us. By Summers McKay I have always been interested in the idea of post traumatic growth and the way that some people are able to launch into greatness following terrible events. As someone who has long been told "Gosh, you make the best of things." and have been given such support for being the one who could turn a bad thing into a good experience, I wondered what it was that makes me tick and more importantly how and why I also struggle with depression amidst my authentic enthusiastic optimism. This book uncovers some of the most interesting and compelling stories of people who have intentionally - or unintentionally made the best of things and advanced life after change.I have often been asked why I choose to do the hardest things, marathons, triathlons, mountain climbing, be an entrepreneur and loving with my whole heart even though in the past it has led to tremendous heart break. I realized it is because bad breaks do compel breakthroughs, creative success, authentic expression and realignment of passion. This book explores these themes as well as the experiences of both highs and lows during the process. Bouncing Forward helps us all understand how we can grow. I heartily recommend it! Enjoy!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. great book! By Tami C. It's about time someone wrote about this post traumatic growth! Thank you Michaela Haas for bringing awareness to this important subject. I am so happy & hopeful that meditation and reaching out is now recognized & encouraged in the military! Most of us, military or not, will experience some level of trauma and loss during our lifetime, and by interviewing these people Haas has given us examples of healing through Bouncing Forward. A wonderfully written and researched book, with good & interesting documentation. I enjoyed the personal stories and facts in this wonderful book and would recommend it to anyone, it's the kind of inspiring book that everyone should read.
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Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs, by Michaela Haas PhD
